


Underneath a bridge of stars

by ScriptaManent



Series: What is ineffable is written in the stars [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers more like Lovers to Strangers thanks to God, God's narrator voice, Hurt/Comfort, I tried to write some fluff too, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Light Angst, Lucifer is a woman and I love her, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Canon: Good Omens, Pre-Fall (Good Omens), Settling down in Hell, Slow Burn, This is very Crowley-centric and full of hope and determination, mostly Crowley's PoV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-05 04:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20483030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScriptaManent/pseuds/ScriptaManent
Summary: Before the creation of humans, Heaven was the place where angels spent all their time. Before humans, and before the Fall, obviously.This story is a tale of a long time ago, of a time when Lucifer was still an angel, and Crowley wasn’t called Crowley yet. A time of peace and carefreeness, but also a time of questions and doubts. As for Aziraphale, he was pretty much the same as his present self, and so was Gabriel.This is also the story of how Crowley asked too many questions and how he hung around with the wrong people.This is also the story of how Aziraphale forgot everything about him.But Crowley didn’t. Forgetting his angel wasn't even an option.





	1. Only shooting stars

If you think Heaven is all about cottony clouds and classic music, well, you might have been misinformed. Heaven is actually closer to Google’s headquarters, with fancy all-window buildings, bright interiors, and weirdly designed floors. The only difference is that angels don’t relax in colourful seats when they have free time, and they also don’t grow plants, for there is barely anything more colourful than beige and angels don’t really have free time, so the plants would be very unhappy in such a place.

Also, Heaven has always been like this, from way before Adam and Eve were even created, so don’t think The Ones Up There ever stole the idea from humans. It’s the other way around: sometimes, angels are just kind enough to share their technologies with them. Where did you think Steve Jobs had found the idea? A white phone with a _ bitten apple _ design - really, you should have gotten the hint.

And before the creation of humans, Heaven was the place where angels spent all their time. Before humans, and before the Fall, obviously.

This story is a tale of a long time ago, of a time when Lucifer was still an angel, and Crowley wasn’t called Crowley yet. A time of peace and carefreeness, but also a time of questions and doubts. As for Aziraphale, he was pretty much the same as his present self, and so was Gabriel.

* * *

Raphael - who would later be referred to as Crowley but hadn’t been dropped out of Heaven yet - looked into the distance, a frown on his face. Around him, all was quiet, as always. The endless white corridor in front of him was shining bright, the white doors were all closed, the white walls were painfully blinding. He crossed his arms over his chest, his foot tapping a regular rhythm on the floor that tended to accelerate as his patience got thinner. Raphael let out a sigh and walked to the huge window that spread from the floor and up to the ceiling.

Outside, he could see what looked like a very modern town, all paved with clear stones. Above Heaven, a few stars shone in the perpetually dark sky. A tender smile curved Raphael’s lips at the peaceful sight.

The sound of quickly approaching footsteps pulled him out of his thoughts and he turned to meet the newcomer.

“You’re late,” Raphael greeted him with a small pout.

Aziraphale took a few seconds to catch his breath, his hands on his thighs. His cream toga matched the colour of his wings. At that time, suits hadn’t been invented yet - and let’s be honest here, human have a way better sense of fashion than angels -, so everybody was walking around in togas and other light and fluid outfits. The only clothing rule back then was that angels were required to wear a colour according to their rank: the closer to God the lighter.

Angels didn’t bother to hide their wings either, as it was also the default setting - they would only start to do so a few days later, after what would be known as the Main Elevator Incident, which definitely didn’t involve a high-rank angel being stuck in there for days until they managed to get their feathers off the door.

The blond haired angel lifted his head, discreetly appreciating the way the pure white fabric swirled around Raphael’s body, emphasizing his thin waist.

“I’m sorry, I had a meeting upon request from the Almighty Herself,” he apologized with a sheepish smile. Raphael raised an eyebrow, both because of the unnecessary apology and to encourage him to go on. “I just got a promotion to Principality!”

The redhead’s mouth turned into a thin, nearly mocking smile. “Oh yeah? I would never have guessed,” he said, eyeing Aziraphale’s clothes. They used to be light grey, as all archangels’.

“But to be honest, I am not sure what it means yet,” the other continued, sending a skeptical look to the fabric. “I think it’s something about the Earth… Do you think it suits me?” he added a bit faster, a slight frown on his face. “I’m not sure about the colour…”

“Suits you perfectly,” Raphael stated genuinely. He reached out to brush dust off of Aziraphale’s shoulder, the fabric was soft and warm under his skin. The expression on Raphael’s face changed from softness to concern when he spoke again. “But yeah, I heard She’s doing it again. You know, Her great Experiment.”

Aziraphale looked around anxiously. Raphael’s voice was getting alarmingly close to scornful and it was definitely not a good thing to be in Heaven. There were rumors of angels questioning the Great Plan, and if the idea made Aziraphale uncomfortable, he had also heard that the Higher Authorities had recently considered taking measures.

He gently grabbed Raphael’s wrist and dragged him outside, to the place where they knew they would always find each other. A fresh breeze blew through the pilones of the gazebo, catching in the celestial instruments hanging from the ceiling. The sound it made is unfortunately indescribable to readers, as it isn’t a sound that can be heard by humans ears, but be assured that it was heavenly harmonious.

The place was a bit like the Heaven equivalent of a park, there was even a pool of water that was said to have view on Earth - but for now, it was only a reflection of the starry sky. Nobody ever went there but Aziraphale and Raphael, partly because most angels were busy with their own things, but mostly because they didn’t care about the park. Actually, Aziraphale had been the one to design it and bring it to life, but no one ever mentioned it. Anyway, it was their private spot. A peaceful place in the hubbub of angels’ daily life.

There, at least, nobody would overhear Raphael’s controversial opinions.

As soon as they arrived, the redhead stopped abruptly, and Aziraphale nearly lost his balance. Despite the incident, he refused to let go of the other’s wrist. The fiery haired angel was lost in his thoughts. At his side, Aziraphale was too scared to move or breathe, not wanting to break the spell.

Raphael took the other angel’s hand into his, studying it with the respectful, almost afraid touch of an artist in front of a masterpiece. He drew intricate patterns on Aziraphale’s palm, his fingers as light as the wind, a wistful expression on his face.

“If I had to go somewhere, would you follow me?” Raphael asked after a while. He sounded distant, both there and in another place galaxies away.

For all response, Aziraphale blinked in surprise and confusion.

“There’s something I have to do,” Raphael continued, this time staring with a frown at Aziraphale’s hand as if he had just realised what he was doing. His expression changed to something more familiar, more like himself. “I mean, it’s the Almighty’s will, but I don’t feel like going all the way there alone. Mind joining me?”

“Where do you have to go?”

“Oooh, don’t be so suspicious, Aziraphale! You will like it.”

The other rolled his eyes and considered his upcoming plans before finally giving a nod. Raphael squeezed his hand happily and took a few steps back, pulling the other angel with him until both of them were out of the gazebo.

“How long will it take?”

Raphael flashed a sly grin, spreading his wings theatrically. “Depends on how fast you can fly.”

* * *

It was strange leaving Heaven. Of course it wasn’t the first time for Raphael, as he was a high-rank angel, which required going here and there to set up things on God’s behalf. However, it was the first time he was leaving with Aziraphale, and he had to admit that the other angel’s hand in his was very comforting.

Raphael had created planets, he had made the Moon from scratch, and added a few plants on Earth, but what he prefered was to create stars. He couldn’t take credit for the Sun - it was someone else’s great achievement, sadly -, but his new mission would make up for it. Of course, he had wanted Aziraphale to go with him, because Raphael couldn’t help but feel the need to impress his angel. And it was true, he knew Aziraphale would love it.

“It’s here,” he declared after a long time.

Aziraphale let go of Raphael’s hand and sent a slight frown at the nothingness around them. Suddenly it felt colder.

“Stay behind me and don’t blink,” Raphael said, pride already shining in his brown eyes. “I won’t be able to do this twice.”

The amused smile on his face suggested an inside joke that Aziraphale couldn’t get yet.

The redhead stretched out his arms in front of him, palms facing the void, and closed his eyelids. In spite of the blinding light that he was summoning out of thin air, Aziraphale couldn’t take his eyes off Raphael. He was hypnotizing in the same way as was an artist for their muse, something fascinating that it was nearly impossible to look away from.

The light grew and grew, brighter, closer, warmer, until finally Raphael opened his eyes again, panting but the hugest, most genuine smile on his face. When he turned to Aziraphale, he softened even more. “So, what do you think?”

Raphael hadn’t created one star but two, close to each other, probably the brightest stars ever made back then - and they would still be in the top three once God would be done with all of them.

Painfully, Aziraphale managed to take his eyes off the other angel. “They’re dazzling,” he admitted in a whisper. “Why two?”

“I thought one might get lonely out here,” Raphael said with a shrug. A smile lightened up his face the next second. “I’ll call them Alpha Centauri. I like the sound of it.”

After a long time gazing at the newborn stars, the two angels flew back to their place. However, none of them was ready to go their separate way yet. There was a particular feeling to the night, something greater, they could feel. An unwavering sensation of joy and carefreeness in their hearts, and something else, that was close to hope but wasn’t quite that either. All they knew was that they were living an important moment, even though they couldn’t fully understand how special it was or what it really meant, and they both wanted to make the most of it. Sure, they had eternity to spend together, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy every little moment as much as they could.

Raphael perched on the rail of the gazebo, Aziraphale stood up at his side, his hands resting on the rail just beside the other angel. From there, they could see Alpha Centauri, a glowing light in the distance, lightyears away and still, Aziraphale felt like he could touch it if he extended his arm.

“How strange,” the blond one began, “I can only see one star from here.”

A curious smile drew on Raphael’s face as he gazed at the light. “They’re so close that you can’t tell them apart. That was my plan from the beginning but I didn’t think it would work that well.” He glanced at Aziraphale at his side, his eyes two puddles of fondness that shone even brighter than the stars above them.

For a short second, Aziraphale forgot how to breathe. Once again, his mind went blank for a confusing, blissful second.

“Wha-What would you say to having a small dinner?” he stuttered, his brows furrowing when the words betrayed him.

The smile didn’t leave Raphael’s face, the corners of his lips turning it into a near smirk. “Anything you want.”

Aziraphale had to take a few steps back to clear his mind. He tried his best not to show too much as he miracled a table for two in the middle of the gazebo. Surprised showed on his face when candles lit up the place, he was pretty sure he hadn’t meant for them to be there, but he couldn’t tell whether it was Raphael’s doing or just his own subconscious that had materialized them. Thus, he said nothing. Instead, he sat down on his chair. As soon as Raphael joined him - moving his chair from the other side of the table to sit closer to Aziraphale, so close that they couldn’t move without their elbows brushing against each other -, the blond one snapped his fingers and food appeared in front of them. The plates were very fancy, porcelain-like, lined with a golden pattern that matched the angels’ togas.

“What’s that?” Raphael asked, one brow raised at the very fluffy looking cake.

“Um, well, it’s called an angel cake… But may I ask you to keep it a secret? Last time, Gabriel found out and, well, let’s say he wasn’t very fond of the idea…”

“What’s that guy fond of, anyway?” Raphael scorned, grabbing a tiny fork the size of his palm. He casted a falsely upset glance at Aziraphale for that - the tiny cutlery were something Aziraphale had always been inexplicably fascinated by, but to Raphael is was infuriatingly frustrating.

Nevertheless, he forgot all his irritation at the very first bite. The cake melted on his tongue, and if he hadn’t been an angel, Raphael would probably have thought that that was what Heaven tasted like - but as he was very much an angel, it would have been a very odd thought.

“So?” Aziraphale started with one of his occasional smug smiles.

Raphael took another bite before replying. “Another proof that Gabriel is a bastard we shouldn’t listen to. Who does he think he is, anyway? He’s just an Archangel.”

“Raphael.”

But the other wouldn’t stop talking. “You just got promoted to Principality and I’m a Seraphim. He’s just a--”

“Raphael, _ dear. _” Aziraphale’s voice was sharp, the threat barely hidden.

The other paused and stared at him with a blank look. “What?”

“Maybe now is not the time to question the hierarchy.”

A frown creased Raphael’s forehead but his expression eventually softened into a smile. Nonetheless, he didn’t apologize. He had meant it.

Oh, sure, he was a Seraphim, angel of the highest class who was supposed to worship God and not do anything else, but it wasn’t like him. It had never been. Raphael was an artist, a free-thinker; he was free will incarnate, and he intended to show it. As much as he respected and had faith in God, he couldn’t help but wonder what She was really up to.

She had allowed him to do some field work instead of staying by Her side all day long, and he wasn’t going to complain. She had probably had enough of his questions and doubtful looks already - something he was kind of proud of, to be honest.

Aziraphale put his fork down on the table and turned to Raphael with a sigh. On the red haired angel’s face, the soft smile had slowly faded away, turning into this troubled expression he always wore whenever he was lost deep in thoughts.

The blond one laid his hand on top of Raphael’s, the latter jumped slightly at the touch.

“Nothing good will come out of it,” Aziraphale sighed wearily, this unbearable sad light in his eyes. Raphael hated that he was the one making him feel this way every time.

But he couldn’t stop there.

“Yes, but have you seen what happened to the dinosaurs, Aziraphale?!” Raphael started, throwing his hands in the air. Aziraphale knew it was going to be a long and painful moment. “She wanted to keep them all in this tiny garden, Edo-... Ade-”

“Eden.”

“Yes, Eden! And when She got bored of them, She just… She just shot a meteor and _ boom _! The end! She annihilated them, as if they were nothing! But they had feelings, Aziraphale! I… I saw them! I--”

The other angel frowned deeply. “Weren’t you supposed to stay away from Earth?”

Raphael didn’t slow down, his voice sounded close to distress. “That’s not the point! She _ got rid _ of them! And now She wants to start again with another species--”

“Humans.”

“Yeah, that, and She’s talking about… about _ testing _ them. I mean, how _ wrong _ is th--”

“_ Raphael! _ ” This time, Aziraphale shouted, jerking up from his chair with so much strength that it fell over and bounced on the floor. He took a deep breath in and closed his eyes, his palms resting flat on the table. “You _ can’t _ dispute Her plans!”

This time, Raphael kept quiet, staring at the other angel - at his friend, or more exactly at the one with whom he shared a bond that was yet to be named at that time. Angels were beings of Love, but that didn’t make them less oblivious. However, Aziraphale hadn’t won this argument. If Raphael didn’t let God Herself dictate Her law on him, he wasn’t going to let Aziraphale tell him what he could or couldn’t do. As much as he loved him.

“But can’t you feel it’s ba--”

“_ Don’t you dare use that word!” _

Raphael gritted his teeth, but he started again. “But do you think it’s _ right _ to treat them just as… just as an experiment? Just as something She can dispose of whenever She grows bored of her new whim?”

Pain washed over Aziraphale’s features as his gaze lingered on Raphael. “You can’t judge God’s acts, Raphael. She knows what She is doing. This is all part of Her Great Plan.”

Raphael snorted, which brought him another hurt look from Aziraphale. “Maybe it is,” he started, clearly defying the other angel. “And I do believe that She has Her reasons to do it this way. But that doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.”

On these words, he stood up, sent one last glance to Aziraphale, and left in the night.

The remaining angel stared at his friend’s back until he couldn’t see him anymore, holding everything in. As soon as Raphael vanished from his line of sight, Aziraphale sat back on his chair and pressed his palms to his eyes.

“I’m just worried for you,” he whined, barely audible.

* * *

There had been rumors going around in Heaven. Lucifer didn’t agree either with God’s plans, but unlike Raphael, she was claiming it out loud. The two Seraphims had had a lot of conversations about Earth together, and even though they weren’t on the same page when it came to the details, Raphael’s doubts fueled Lucifer’s arguments.

Lucifer - her friends called her Lucy, and she had lots of them - wasn’t actually a bad angel. She was the Light Bearer, bright and radiant, her long hair like a veil that seemed to be carrying rays of light everywhere she went. Lucifer was never mean or cruel, neither to other angels nor to earthly creatures. However, what she was was very passionate about what she cared about, and what she cared about was currently humans - her heart was still broken from the sudden extinction of the dinosaurs.

God’s Plan wasn’t _ fair _ , she thought. Dinosaurs hadn’t stood a chance because God had decided their day had come, and She most likely intended to do it again, this time with humans. Adam and Eve were still only one of God’s ideas, at that time, not yet made from flesh and bones. Nonetheless, their essence was floating around Heaven like a cloud about to rain, and Lucy knew she already _ loved _ humans. Therefore, she didn’t want God to toy around with them.

If God wasn’t ready to change Her plans, then there had to be another way. And according to Lucifer, this other way was to take charge. God didn’t want to listen? Very well, Lucifer would take Her place and do things like she intended to.

“_ If you’re not satisfied with what you’re given, do it yourself” _ was Lucifer’s _ motto _ , along with “ _ Go big or go home _”, and Lucy had always been a “go big” kind of girl.

That was how the riot started a few days after. That was what triggered the Fall.

This is the story of how Raphael asked too many questions and how he hung around with the wrong people.

This is the story of how Aziraphale forgot everything about him.

But Raphael didn’t.

* * *

If the riot itself had been a very messy and blurry instant to Raphael, the moment that had come after had been as clear as crystal.

He didn’t take part in the riot, actually. He just stood there, watching everything in disbelief, trying to take in all that was happening. Angels turned against each other, weapons in hands. Feathers broke and swirled around.

Raphael didn’t stay long enough to see the first drop of blood stain the pavement. He ran in the other direction, looking for Aziraphale. He needed to warn him, he needed to protect him.

Yet, he didn’t find him. Or more accurately, Raphael didn’t have time to find Aziraphale. Someone found him first.

He was knocked out before he could catch a glimpse of the pretty blue eyes he longed for.

* * *

Raphael didn’t remember waking up and he definitely didn’t remember the trial that had happened and sealed the fate of every angel God had found to be an inconvenience.

It hadn’t really been a trial either. It hadn’t been fair, for everything had already been decided way before the trial occurred. God used the riot as a way of getting rid of every threat, of every being that could dispute Her authority.

As people who ask too many questions are always a threat to power, Raphael was convicted as well.

* * *

When they got out of the trial, everything was already set up. Gabriel was standing near the door that opened on nothingness, or so it seemed. It was a door that didn’t look like Heaven’s doors. It was made of stone, maybe of something like graphite. It was dark. It looked rough. Raphael thought that he didn’t want his wings to touch the stone, he was afraid they would be damaged.

The condemned angels queued, one behind the other, under the stares of the remaining ones, the angels who were still blessed. Raphael hid behind his hair, hugging his chest as if he could disappear before he could see what was waiting for him.

Lucifer was the first one to step through the door. She remained proud and determined until the end, her chin up, even going as far as staring up to God until the very last second. It blew

some courage into Raphael’s heart and he looked up from the floor, his back still slightly hunched. It wasn’t like him. He decided this wouldn’t be the last trace he’d leave in Heaven.

He looked at the crowd. The angels bore distrust on their faces, but also pity, and a lot of empathy. He could see it, now, all of them doubting. The riot had only been the beginning. Hopefully, their punishment would serve to make Heaven change, to make God more considerate of Her creations.

In the middle of the crowd stood Aziraphale, his face nothing but shock and pain.

“I’m sorry,” Raphael mouthed with a sad smile. And oh God, he was. He was sorry he had asked too many questions and slowly but surely gotten on God’s bad side doing so. He was sorry he had yelled at Aziraphale, sorry he had ruined the moment. He was sorry he had to leave him alone. “I just wanted to understand.”

Soon after, it was Raphael’s turn to step through the door. He couldn’t see anything from the other side, it was reflecting his own image like a mirror. Long ginger hair, disheveled; warm brown eyes, filled with regret; wings a pure shade of white, symbol of how close to God he had been.

Raphael lifted his chin proudly and turned on his heels so that he could face the assembly. A smirk found its way to his lips. “Well, I had a lot of fun. The place is pretty gloomy, though. Seriously, guys, find a new interior decorator, this one did a shitty job. Hopefully it was one of us!” he showed off, jerking a thumb at the door behind him.

He carefully avoided to look at Aziraphale during his speech, though he could picture him at the corner of his eyes, twitching his hands and fighting back tears. Raphael kept his last words for him, his last look at Heaven. Aziraphale would be the last thing he’d see when he’d disappear. His end could have been worse.

“See you around,” he claimed, eventually. He offered Aziraphale his fondest smile, without any trace of malice in it. Then, he took a step backwards and crossed the door from Heaven with all the arrogance he could gather.


	2. Bored to death in Heaven and down alone in Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael has fallen, Aziraphale is stuck Up There in Heaven.  
Meanwhile, God and Lucifer have other plans for their loyal subjects, plans that might turn Heaven and Hell upside down...

Aziraphale stared at the door, unaware of the angels’ whispers around him. His mind was blank, nothing could pierce through the thick fog that were his thoughts. He hadn’t been able to move, hadn’t been able to say anything - but there had never been anything to be done or said in the first place.

He would never have been able to help Raphael. If anything, it would have put him in the line of traitors as well. They had been condemned to fall from Heaven, but nobody really knew what it meant.

“It… It has to be part of the ineffable plan,” someone whispered hesitantly in the crowd, expressing the realistic part of Aziraphale’s mind out loud.

Yet, the one who had spoken sounded unsure, as if it were more about reassuring themselves than stating the truth.

But that had to be part of the plan, because if it weren’t, then nothing made sense.

* * *

Raphael was plummeting down.

The door was fading away, or maybe it was him.

He didn’t have the strength to resist, his body was nothing but a heavy stone sinking in a bottomless pit. All that Raphael could do was to stare at the door that was slowly turning into a blurry point in the horizon.

All around Heaven were stars, but the sight was stained with bitterness. They were shining, indifferent to the life changing event that was happening, to the angels falling down, their wings outstretched and wounded.

It took some time for the pain to manifest. First, it was a numb feeling in Raphael’s wings. He tried to move them, but gravity kept him from doing so, the wind was too strong.

Then, his feathers caught on fire. It started from the top feathers, the smallest, fluffiest ones. He could feel every flame licking them, one after the other, spreading slowly, consuming everything without ever dying out. Maybe  _ this _ was the punishment, maybe it wasn’t only the exile, but also the pain. Was it ever going to stop? Was it ever going to fade?

A scream came from Raphael, in a voice that didn’t sound like his. It sounded barely like anything that had ever been heard at that time, actually. Nothing in the history of Creation - so far - had ever been wounded so badly, neither in its body nor in its soul.

Raphael screamed. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed again, in pain, in despair, he cried for help, he begged for mercy, and at some point he even begged for it to end, but nobody listened. Or if God did, She had probably put Her earpods in and some music playing loudly, like  _ Highway to Hell  _ or maybe  _ Going Under _ .

Everything was aching, the world was spinning in a blurry storm of ashes and flames.

Then, Raphael hit something hard, and the earth swallowed him whole.

* * *

Aziraphale was trying to keep himself busy, but he couldn’t help but notice how everything felt empty, lonely. Nearly half of the angels had been banned from Heaven - or more accurately, kicked out. Everything was quiet, as if everybody in Heaven was now afraid of speaking too loud, afraid of being the next one.

Rare were the ones whose self-confidence hadn’t been affected by the recent events, and obviously, Gabriel was one of them. The Archangel had taken the Fall as an opportunity to impose his authority. Most of the ones closest to God had been wiped away, only the lower spheres of Heaven remained, and this was the perfect time to establish a new hierarchy.

Aziraphale was doing his best to stay away from Gabriel, but the guy didn’t make the task easy. Gabriel didn’t fear God, though, and he was probably the only one. The reason was that he was a soldier, he would do anything God would tell him to, and he would never question the motive. Thus, there was no way God would have any reason to punish him.

However, very soon Aziraphale would be on Earth, and once he would be there, he wouldn’t have to meet Gabriel as often. He didn’t like change, and he didn’t like the idea of leaving Heaven to stay on Earth, but there no longer was anything to hold him back anyway. Raphael was gone, and suddenly Heaven was too dark, even though the light was blinding; the silence was deafening; Raphael’s absence followed Aziraphale around like a shadow.

The angel was required to attend an umpteenth meeting. The Big Day was close and after the riot, things needed to be re-organized, or at least that was what they had been told. The curious thing was that none of the Fallens had been a Principality. None of them had been supposed to be involved with the Great Plan for humans. It was probably just a coincidence, Aziraphale thought, but there was a voice in the back of his mind that was whispering. Maybe Raphael had been right to doubt. Maybe God had had it planned all along. That would have explained a lot.

The angel shook himself and his gaze wandered to the stars above him. Alpha Centauri was shining bright, two stars casting only one light. So close that they appeared as one, indissociable. Something sank in his chest and Aziraphale lost his smile to an infinite feeling of loneliness. He had lost his other half. Probably his light wasn’t half as bright as it used to be when the two of them were together, or maybe it had already faded away.

Aziraphale leant against the nearest window, suddenly feeling very dizzy. He hadn’t been expecting his feelings to take over him so badly, but truly he was grieving. The glass was cold against his skin but it didn’t help him focus. He didn’t notice when his knees hit the ground. Everything was blurry, the stars were spinning, and then, all that was left was darkness.

* * *

God hadn’t told them everything. Sure, she was to make an example out of the fallen ones, but She couldn’t allow Her loyal angels to be corrupted by the memories of the ones that had doubted. Deep down, She feared it would happen again. She  _ knew _ it would happen again if She left it like it was. Someone would start questioning why She had kicked the troublesome ones out of Heaven. They would doubt Her again, and it would start over. That was a risk God couldn’t take, both for Herself and for Her angels’ welfare.

Thus, She did what She felt was right. She erased all of the angel’s memories related to the fallen ones. She left nothing - not a possession, not a face, not a name.

* * *

Everything was so dark that Raphael couldn’t tell whether he had opened his eyes. His surroundings smelt strongly of dirt, but it wasn’t the prominent smell either. There was something sour in the air, something Raphael had never encountered before. Something that rasped against the back of his throat and lingered on his tongue. Finally, there was smoke, but he couldn’t tell what was burning. Actually, it smelt like the idea of smoke, he realised, not like  _ smoke _ itself. It wasn’t hot and ashy like fire smoke, there was no touch of wood to the scent, nor the characteristic odor of burning flesh. Only plain smoke.

Something hit him in the ribs and the angel who wasn’t really an angel anymore opened his eyelids in a start - so, that meant he had actually been keeping them shut all that time. There was only a dim light coming from the ceiling, but he could make out the shapes of a room around him.

“Get up,” an unfamiliar voice demanded.

His whole body was aching, from his toes to the tip of his hair, and Raphael didn’t have the strength in him to look at his wings. He was certain they were damaged, he had felt them burn. He was fairly sure he would never be able to fly again. From then on, all he would be able to do would be to look up at the stars, listing their names as the memories of their creation flowed back. He wondered what Alpha Centauri would be like, from another perspective. He must have been so far from them - so far from Heaven, so far from Aziraphale, too.

“I said,  _ get up! _ ” the other person repeated, kicking Raphael in the ribs again with the tip of their pointy shoes.

He grimaced, gritting his teeth, and stood up painfully, too much in agony to come up with a smart reply. In front of him was a very small person with a very big aura, that happened to be quite frightening, to be totally honest. Their face was severe, Raphael didn’t have it in him to hold their stare. He was lost, he was in pain, but most of all, he had questions, and he needed answer.

First, where were they, exactly? He knew it was not Heaven anymore, but it didn’t look like Earth either. The place seemed to be somewhere underground, but under  _ what _ ground?

“Lord Lucifer requires everyone’s presence for a meeting, you’re no exception,” the short person declared, looking Raphael up and down with obvious disgust. For half a second, Raphael thought they spoke with a lisp, but he couldn’t tell for sure.

He followed them in silence through the corridors. That place looked nothing like Heaven, it was nearly its complete opposite. Everything was gloomy and rough and, it seemed, damaged. Even the walls looked like they were alive, though, but not the nice kind of alive. More like something-trapped-in-the-walls-for-all-eternity kind of alive. The first thing Raphael did when his mind cleared enough was to make himself the promise that he wouldn’t let this place drive him mad. That wouldn’t happen. He was stronger than that. Okay, God had kicked them out of Heaven - this realization hurt him like a meteor but he chose to ignore it -, but that didn’t mean She would force them to live their eternal lives buried somewhere. God had mercy. She had, right?

But once again, she had thrown them overboard indistinctly. Raphael ignored this thought too.

He was led to an overcrowded room that honestly didn’t look as bad as the corridors. The ceiling was so high that Raphael felt like he could breathe for the first time since he had crossed Heaven’s door, the walls were decorated by colourful graffitis, which was a nice touch that Heaven hadn’t had, and a throne bigger than Gabriel’s stubbornness stood on the opposite side, delicately carved wings spreading from each side. Sitting there was Lucifer, except she looked different, as if the Fall had turned her into something else, something further from the already special angel she had used to be.

Her long blond hair had turned an ashy colour, her green eyes now completely black, sclera included. She still looked majestic, but now she was majestic in the way a lioness is when she’s about to deliver the final blow. Lethal.

Lucifer flapped her wings. They were pitch black, the kind of shade that absorbed all colour and hope.

“Fallen Ones, listen to me!” she started, which was far from her usual “ _ hear me out, fellas _ ”. “God has abandoned us!” Whispers rose from the crowd. “The truth is that She is scared of us, and She is right! She exiled us, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay here and mourn our past lives for all of eternity. I rose my voice in Heaven, and I shall fulfill my promises. This will be our new kingdom and I will be the ruler of this land! Follow me and your voices will be heard! Follow me, and we will show Heaven how wrong they were to get rid of us!”

Her voice echoed on the walls, strong and powerful, and the crowd cheered as one. Heaven had kicked them out? They would make them pay. Whatever Heaven would do, Hell would stain it until it would rot on its own.

From then on, it was decided the fallen angels had to sever all their ties with Heaven.

No more fallen  _ angels _ , both sides started referring to them as demons - Lucifer to deny any past link to God ; God to distance them from Her loyal angels. Demons were  _ evil _ , that was what they did, that was what they were, their true nature. There was nothing angelic about them, and seriously, no one with a sane mind would look at a demon - animal features, coal black wings, corrupted - and think that they used to be an angel before the Fall - a being of love, pure and immaculate.

Their angel names were revoked and new ones were assigned to the demons. Finally, a new hierarchy was established among them, in no way related to their past rank. As Crawly - Go--  _ Man _ , he really didn’t like the sound of it - had barely taken any part in the riot, he fell to the very bottom of the hierarchy, in spite of how powerful he was.

Speaking of the hierarchy, it was actually more of an anarchy, as demons weren’t really renowned for playing by the rules. They kept getting into fights that would end up in arguments, that would end up with one less demon in Hell. Down there, no one was to be trusted. Not the high rank demons, not the low rank demons. Group work in Hell was similar to what group work would be in human schools: a chaotic fever dream made by a higher authority and irremediably doomed to failure.

Crawly avoided the others as much as possible, and whenever he had no choice, he would act confident and sass his way out of the conversation. He was of no use to Luc-- to  _ Satan _ \- who had also started his new kingdom by switching to another gender, now using male pronouns. Yet, Crawly knew his mental health relied on finding a way to get out of this... well, out of this hell, indeed.

The problem with demons was that God, in Her infinite goodness, had allowed them to keep their memories. They remembered Heaven, and they remembered the Fall. Every second of it. From the dizzying sensation of the freefall to the fire devouring their feathers and their skins, turning their wings black and the beings more animals than humans - because humans had been created in the image of God, and demons were no longer worthy of this either.

Demons conserved the memories of their sins and had to live with them. Crawly had to live with the memories haunting them. Memories of past happiness were probably a worse thing to endure than no memories at all, in his opinion.

Crawly remembered Heaven, and sometimes he wished he didn’t.

* * *

Aziraphale had been wandering around Heaven for hours, trying to find something to occupy his mind, and answers to the questions that kept spamming his thoughts. There was something hollow carved inside of him, in a shape that he couldn’t picture. He could draw its outline but it was as if something was keeping him from looking at the final image.

The angel supposed this sensation of emptiness was related to the fact that he was going to leave Heaven on the next day, but still, some things didn’t add up. So far, he had been pretty excited to go to Earth - or at least he thought he had, he couldn’t remember his exact words. Actually, Aziraphale realised he could barely remember anything clearly.

He stopped still in the middle of a corridor, his brows furrowed deep and his fists clenched around the paperworks he had been keeping with him all along. This was the first time Aziraphale tried to list all the things he knew for sure.

He could remember his birth very clearly. It had happened only around one week ago, God had welcomed him into the world and wished him to be Good. Her warmth and the light on his skin were still fresh in his memory.

And only a few days ago, he had been promoted. He had been named Principality and been prepared to go to Earth to guard the gate and keep an eye on humans.

Everything between these two events and anything dating from the last day were blurry, only a mix of emotions and fading thoughts, hardly anything concrete he could recall for sure. Maybe it was because he was only a young angel, he probably didn’t focus on everything. His mind was new, and God’s Creation was a lot to take in, after all.

A smile drew on Aziraphale’s face and he got back to his walk, his heart lighter. His feet led him to the gazebo in the middle of Heaven, the one he had built. He didn’t remember why he had, but he liked it, and he liked the soothing effect the place always had on him. His gaze slid from the building to the stars hanging above in the sky.

“Ah, Alpha Centauri,” he said when he spotted the familiar celestial body.

Watching the two stars made him wistful and the hole in his chest manifested itself again, as if he was missing something, something that was part of his blurry memories. There was definitely something he had forgotten, something important. Yet, the more Aziraphale tried to put his finger on it, the further out of his reach the memory slipped.

Aziraphale didn’t know what it was. He would forget about this too, eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave kudos and comments if you liked it! Next week will mark the last chapter of Part 1!
> 
> List of songs the titles are from:  
Part 1: Underneath a bridge of stars (When the Angels Fall - Sting)  
Chapter 1: Only shooting stars (All Star - Smash Mouth)  
Chapter 2: Fallen Angels (Black Veil Brides)


	3. All the sinners crawl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting used to Hell wasn't easy, but being a demon suddenly felt better to Crawly when he was entrusted with a new mission. There were two people, an apple, and a familiar silhouette perched on top of a high wall...

Most demons liked Hell more than they had Heaven. They had free will, somehow, and they could be truer to themselves, more than they had ever been able to - even though they had been born for only a few days, since the creation of the universe. Unfortunately, Crawly wasn’t like most demons. He had never been like the other angels either. Too troublesome for Heaven, too kind for Hell, that was where he stood, in a no man’s land where people hurried him to pick a side or perish.

But it wasn’t like him. Crawly didn’t need to pick a side, what he needed was to follow his guts and do things the way he wanted to, without caring whether it pleased people around.

When he had been summoned to head office the day after the Fall, Crawly had been pretty sure he wouldn’t make it out of the room. His presence wasn’t needed and they just wanted to get rid of the troublesome ones, just like God had. He knew he didn’t fit in, but he had hoped his life would have lasted at least a bit more than two weeks in total.

However, it didn’t go as expected by the lesser demon. Satan gave him a mission. Crawly didn’t know whether he was being kind to him because he had listened to Lucifer back in Heaven, or if that was a way to get him out of Satan’s way, but he couldn’t care less.

“ _ Get up and make some trouble _ .” Now that was something he could very well do.

_ Up _ , Crawly thought. Up, which meant out of that putrid hole filled with stupid soldiers, just like Heaven had been - except Hell had stupid soldiers who knew how to have fun.

* * *

The first thing that hit him was the warmth of the sunlight on his skin. No, not his skin. On his  _ scales _ . To be totally honest, Crawly didn’t know if he had been named Crawly because he could turn into a snake, or if he could turn into a snake because he had been named Crawly. Anyway, he loved everything about it. He loved looking at the world from down there, he loved all the scents he could smell around him, and he loved the touch of the ground and grass and rocks and bark on his skin. That was something he hadn’t been able to experience when he was in Heaven creating stars. Now he felt like he was part of the world. He had never been more alive.

Everything was both quiet and busy. The Garden of Eden was peaceful. He had been sent out to make some trouble, but he didn’t care. Like  _ he _ was going to listen to orders. He would eventually, when the opportunity showed up, but he wouldn’t be the one to trigger things.

Rays of light shone on a nearby water body, catching his eye, and Crawly slithered to a small pond circled by hazel trees and willow trees. At first, it was weird not to see his face in the water - his normal face, at least. When he looked at the surface, it sent him back the image of a black and red snake, its eyes the colour of gold. At least he looked cool, which was a small victory, of course, but still a victory for a demon. He could have ended up transforming into a frog or a fly, after all…

Crawly looked around, making sure nobody was there to see him, and transformed into his demon self, his original form that was close to his former angel self. He kept his eyes closed as soon as he could actually close them - which was definitely not easy when you started from an animal that didn’t have eyelids - and took several deep breaths before he looked at the water again.

He hadn’t seen his reflection anywhere since Heaven, and he wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. He had seen how the others looked now, part the same as they used to be, part beasts, sometimes even covered with patches of rough scales. At first, Satan hadn’t changed much from his angel self - only his eye colour, his hair and his wings -, but he had soon adopted a more different appearance, to the point he didn’t look like Lucifer anymore. There was no longer any light in him.

It took a lot of courage for Crawly to brave his anxiety, but when he saw his reflection in the water, his mind shortcut. He had barely changed at all, except for the snake eyes that remained from the transformation and were most likely a permanent feature. Otherwise, he was pretty much the same - same pale skin, no scale showing anywhere ; same fiery hair, as long as it was before the Fall. Same wings, now the colour of coal.

He frowned at his clothes. They were a dirty beige colour that didn’t match his new style, and to be honest, it didn’t look quite good on him either. Besides, a demon wasn’t expected to wear light colours, just like his snake form suggested. He snapped his fingers and his outfit dyed in grey shades from the bottom and up to the upper layers. Another glance at his reflection assured him that it was already better. Actually, dark colours looked really great on him. It made his eyes and his ginger hair pop, and his wings had never looked that good. It was already more like himself, and closer to the one he imagined he wanted to be.

He allowed himself a smirk, his first smile since he had left Aziraphale behind, and turned back into a snake to explore the Garden, pinning a mental note in the back of his mind: thinking was no good. Especially thinking about the past.

It took Crawly less than one hour to find Adam and Eve, the very first and only humans on Earth. From what he could see, they looked very much like God Herself. However, She hadn’t bothered to give them any clothes, and making some didn’t seem to be any of their priorities.

Eve’s stomach rumbled like thunder and she put her hand on her belly to muffle the noise. Beside the couple was the biggest apple tree known to man - not that they knew many, anyway -, a big red apple hanging from a branch just above Adam’s head. The both of them kept glancing at the fruit with envy. Yet, against all odds, they decided on moving on and walked away from the tempting fruit to look for something edible. They would have eaten anything that wasn’t that apple, really.

The strange behaviour caught Crawly’s interest, and he decided to follow the humans. Eve kept her hand on her stomach, the other one held by Adam so that she didn’t fall forward. They stopped near the pond Crawly had visited earlier, glad for the fresh wind and the soft grass under their feet. Adam wandered around, gathering hazelnuts while Eve picked up berries in the nearby forest, both of them unaware of the demon watching them.

After a while, the serpent crawled to a rock in proximity of the couple, sunbathing until the humans spotted him. As soon as she saw him, Eve stopped what she was doing, wiped her mouth and her stained hands on her own body, and approached Crawly, cautious but probably too curious for her own good. The demon immediately took a liking to her.

The first thing Eve did was ask questions: who was he, what was he, what was he doing there, did he know of anything edible… Crawly couldn’t resist the woman. He had been sent up there to make some trouble, after all, and talking to God’s protegees seemed a nice start.

“I am the serpent of Eden,” Crawly said very politely He didn’t want to tell them his name, first because it wouldn’t do any good to any of them, and second because he wasn’t fond of it himself. Seriously,  _ Crawly _ ?! “But I’ve seen that you two are hungry,” The demon continued, suddenly less formal. “What’s wrong with the apple over there?”

Eve frowned slightly, she hadn’t expected the serpent to speak in such a way. Well, she hadn’t expected it to speak at all either, so there was that too.

“God forbade us to eat that apple,” the woman replied, ignoring the worried signs Adam was waving at her behind Crawly. “She said the tree is sacred and biting into the apple would give us knowledge of good and evil, and She said She would kick us out of the garden if we did so.”

A light flickered in the serpent’s eyes. The situation definitely rang a bell.

“But we like it, here,” Adam intervened, a bit dry and insistent, obviously not trusting the snake. “What good would it do us to know things when we wouldn’t be able to live here anymore?”

“And tell me, ô wise Adam, how would we  _ know _ ? How would we  _ know _ what  _ good  _ or what  _ bad  _ it would do?” the woman snapped, and Crawly decided he really liked humans, or at least this particular human.

The serpent of Eden slithered along Eve’s wrist. She didn’t flinch the slightest, too busy glaring ominously at her partner.

“How is life in the Garden?” Crawly asked, genuine. He knew he was supposed to tempt her, but it sounded like she had mostly taken her decision already.

Eve slided a finger along his back, brushing the warm scales absentmindedly. “It’s nice,” she sighed, marking a small pause that called for a follow-up. “But I’m hungry and I already know this place by heart. Every single tree, every single animal…” She sent Crawly a curious look, probably thinking _ “all but you” _ . “I can’t help but wonder what is so bad about wanting to know more… I’ve tried talking to God, but She would never answer my questions…”

His wariness towards the serpent already forgotten in front of Eve’s trouble, Adam crouched beside his wife and squeezed her shoulder empathetically. “Here, you should eat more,” the man said, handing a plum to his wife. “Don’t stress this out too much. I’m sure God has Her reasons.”

“I guess so,” the woman agreed grudgingly.

Crawly crawled away.

Eve’s words resonated with him, and he didn’t like seeing her so sad. He knew the feeling too well, and he hated the situation God had put them in. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair to be kept in the dark, to be disowned for asking questions, for wanting to know more, for wanting to understand. God was keeping the humans in the dark just like she had done with Crawly - just like she had ignored Raphael’s questions, only to make him fall to a place light didn’t reach.

Crawly wanted Eve to get the chance he couldn’t have gotten and never would. He didn’t care that it was in line with his mission, that was only a bonus, two birds one stone. He would make sure dear Eve would bite into the apple, that was only fair for Adam and her. God had no right to keep them in a dark pit just so that they wouldn’t get in Her way.

* * *

The serpent of Eden slithered away, disappearing in the bushes. It hadn’t taken much to convince Eve to bite into the apple, but it sure had taken Crawly a long time for he had spent most of it befriending the woman. His mission had been to tempt Eve with knowledge, anyway, which didn’t sound very demonic to Crawly’s mind. Yet, it is also highly annoying to have knowledge of things other people ignore, as Crawly was going to discover pretty soon.

Now the tables had turned, and Eve probably knew more about life than Crawly had ever known. She had found answers to her questions, a luxury he would never have. But that didn’t matter, he was happy with himself. He hadn’t tempted Eve because it had been what Hell had wanted from him. He had advised her as a friend, as a guardian. He had defied Heaven, like a true demon, yet it didn’t have the vicious taste he imagined a demonic mischief had. Crawly didn’t fall in line - no pun intended -, he blazed his own trail.

His wandering took him to one of the walls that circled the Garden. A shadow casted on the ground near the snake, two wings spreading on each side. Someone was standing up there. Crawly couldn’t see them, but he definitely sensed a presence, the presence of an angel. A stupid thought popped in his mind - damn that mental note about not thinking -, and before he knew it, he was already on top of the wall, just far enough to be out of sight from the angel, although if he turned, the latter would surely spot him. The angel was probably already able to sense Crawly’s presence, but he didn’t move. Maybe he was lost in his thoughts as well.

As soon as the demon saw the feathers, there could no longer be any mistake. If he had been in his normal form, Crawly would have sported the most stupid, biggest grin ever - call it a lovestruck grin if you will. What were the odds of him finding Aziraphale on Earth on the day he was sent to mess up with God’s plans? Most likely close to none, yet there he was, only a few meters away from his angel. He was both afraid and excited about the idea of reuniting with him. Perhaps Aziraphale was angry at him, or worse, disappointed in him? Crawly would never know if he didn’t try, anyway.

He closed the distance in a second, turning back into his normal self, awfully aware of his dark wings and snake eyes that were so different from when he had been Raphael Up There. Down the wall, Adam and Eve were making their way out of the Garden, escaping on their own will before God had the opportunity to kick them out. Clever humans. Crawly could nearly relate to them.

Now, he needed an ice breaker. Something to say that was better than “ _ So, what’s up? How’s everyone doing? Please tell me Gabriel hasn’t Fallen. No offense but I don’t want him around. Anyway, how weird is it to be on opposite sides, now, huh? Also, am I still allowed to taste the angel cake?” _ . Definitely, that didn’t sound like a good way to start a conversation with your best-friend-slash-probably-more-than-that whom you had thought you had lost forever.

“That one went down like a lead balloon,” Crawly finally prompted, cursing himself immediately after. What kind of a hello was that?!

The angel frowned slightly, then turned to Crawly as if he was seeing him for the first time. His mind had definitely been somewhere else.

The conversation started like a conversation that could be heard between two old friends, only, Aziraphale was nervous. Crawly couldn’t find an explanation until the angel asked him his name.

For a split second, the world went silent.

Everything was going too fast, yet everything made sense. It clicked into Crawly’s mind. Memories were their punishment, the proof that demons had sinned. Or maybe it was Crawly’s punishment that Aziraphale didn’t remember him - didn’t remember them. Both options were equally painful.

“Ah, Crawly,” the demon answered with a polite smile, forcing himself out of his gloomy thoughts.

Again, _ Crawly _ , seriously? What kind of a name was that?! Ridiculous, and ridiculously obvious too. The demon made another mental note to change it later - a mental note he would actually follow, this time. Crawly wasn’t  _ him _ . Crawly was the disciplined soldier Hell wanted him to be.  _ He _ would be the one giving them hell, in his own way.

He focused on Aziraphale again, the angel was rambling about good and evil. Questioning was probably a side effect of having your memories wiped away after the Fall.

It was weird that his other self couldn’t even recognize him, but it didn’t discourage Crawly. He had found Aziraphale on his first day on Earth, and even if the angel couldn’t remember him as Raphael, he would make sure that his present self - Crowley? He liked Crowley, it wouldn’t make too much paperwork to fill out - wouldn’t be forgotten. Even if they had to start all over again, even if it had to take all eternity to get back to what they used to be, Crowley wouldn’t give up on Aziraphale. He had already done it once, and it had cost him everything. He wouldn’t do the same mistake twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> List of songs the titles are from:  
Part 1: Underneath a bridge of stars (When the Angels Fall - Sting)  
Chapter 1: Only shooting stars (All Star - Smash Mouth)  
Chapter 2 : Fallen Angels (Black Veil Brides)  
Chapter 3 : Demons (Imagine Dragons)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, not sorry for the cliffhanger!  
This is the beginning of "What is ineffable is written in the stars", a series that will be two or three parts long, and the first part is complete, with 3 chapters! I will post one per week, so stay tuned! Also, I linked this to a meta about Crowley on my Tumblr (lost-in-gayness) where I speak about the headcanons/theories I have and used for this fic.
> 
> Please, leave a kudo and a comment if you liked it!
> 
> List of songs the titles are from:  
Part 1: Underneath a bridge of stars (When the Angels Fall - Sting)  
Chapter 1: Only shooting stars (All Star - Smash Mouth)


End file.
